Okay. Which One of You Is It?

I’m a scientist.  I believe in rational observation, deductive reasoning and cause & effect.  So yesterday around lunchtime I was baffled by twinge in my left knee.  It ached and was a little painful to contract or extend completely.
That was weird, I thought.  I hadn’t banged it, nor had I carried anything heavier than a notebook in memory.  I’d played tennis a few days before (which is not unusual).   Must’ve just tweaked it, right?
Imagine my dismay later in the day when I got up from my desk to – what’s that? Oh yeah – PAIN.  Seriously?  What gives?!?  I hobbled down the hall – walking stairs was painful.  Going back to my Little League Health Manual, I tried to “walk it off”.  This was ridiculous – there was no reason for my knee to seize up like this.
It got worse last night.  Getting into bed was painful – I couldn’t find a position where it wasn’t throbbing.  I caved in and took some anti-inflammatories if for nothing else but to help me sleep.  It was just as bad this morning.  I had to grit my teeth to put on my shoes.  There was nothing that could have caused this…oh wait.  Of course.  The answer is obvious.
See?  I have a lot of ex-girlfriends.  Not many of my former relationships ended – errr amicably let’s say.  The only answer is that one of them has turned to voodoo to get back at me.  Whichever one of you it is: Spurned Born Again Girl, Blue Towel Girl, Pecan Pie Girl, Broken Hand Girl, etc — cut it out!  I get it!  I want my left knee back!

Because the only other cause could be that I’m just getting old.  And we KNOW that’s just crazy-talk.

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37 thoughts on “Okay. Which One of You Is It?

  1. Steve, if that were true there would be dozens of men writhing in agony as they walked down the street. It's obviously the goddess Flora telling you to buy another cactus. ;)

  2. yikes!
    maybe you need some voodoo blowback of your own. in the meantime, have that bum knee looked at – unfortunately tears and other damage to the soft tissues of the knee can happen outside obvious injury.

  3. I am loving that Photoshop job. Spurned Born Again Girl, eh? That sounds like a fun story. :) And Blue Towel Girl… iiiiiiiinteresting.If it's any comfort to you, my knees keep sprouting bruises and I always forget what I've done to them. One day I just wake up and half my knee is a lovely shade of purple. I never considered the possibility of exes utilizing the dark arts!

  4. Your post made me laugh…although I'm sure your pain is not funny!
    Don't wait too long to get your knee checked out. If there's damage, it will only worsen as time goes on. I know from experience…my husband's knee!

  5. I'm wondering though… if things ended less than amicably I'm guessing pain in your knee might not be their first choice on where to inflict pain? ;)

  6. Are you saying some girl out there got a wad of your hair (!), stuffed a doll with your face, and then started putting pins in… wow. That is a great idea. I wonder how I can get a hold of a wad of hair from some people from my past.

  7. I have bad news for you…arthritis. I have some in my tail, of all things! You know, that little thing hanging off the end of our spine? If I sit for too long on a hard surface, it aches really bad after…ah, but with age comes wisdom.

  8. Now you see why I'm a scientist and not a graphic designer… ;) Also, apparently, I had never told The Beloved the Blue Towel Girl story, so yeah my bad-boyfriend behavior was scrutinized (yet again). Good times.

  9. Amy Sue — I did — went to my doctor — and I have a regimen to get me back to normal and some exercises to strengthen the muscles around the joint. :)

  10. GB — went to the doctor yesterday and was diagnosed with "Runner's Knee" (patellofemoral pain syndrome). Fairly common, it seems. I need to take it easy for a bit, get the inflammation down, and do some strengthening exercises in that area to keep it from becoming chronic.

  11. Thanks for giving me a new way to explain my inexplicable twinges, aches, and pains. It took a scientist to put forth the voodoo theory. LOL. Hope you're back to a pain-free state soon.

  12. I loved the picture, you cracked me up! Seriously, I'm sorry your knee is hurting. I know all about pain in the knees. I hope yours gets better real soon.

  13. I, too, am liking the new explanation of various aches and pains. And hey, it makes perfect sense. Thanks, Science Man, and truly hoping the pain goes away and that you follow doctor's orders. Sucks to get old, eh?

  14. Thanks BBL — I've been practicing my RICE for a couple of days and feel pretty much back to normal, which is a big relief. Just need to be more diligent about taking care of these (getting) old(er all the time) joints. :)

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