Sasquatchin’

“Oh good Lord,” she said.

“The Bigfoot Scenic Byway!”

“Really?” she implored.

“The Bigfoot Scenic Byway!”

Sigh.

“The. Bigfoot. Scenic. Byway!”

Such was the conversation between the Beloved and I over breakfast as we charted our return to Eureka after our adventures around Lassen. I mean, we had options, I suppose, but after reading that CA-96 went through the region with the highest concentration of Bigfoot sightings in America? C’mon. And so, by a nearly unanimous verdict, we set out to investigate.

The Pioneer Bridge

The Pioneer Bridge

Our route took us north from the town of Yreka along the Shasta river (using CA-263) until we joined the Klamath River and began winding our way back west. As with the previous day, we felt we had the whole country to ourselves — enjoying a stop at The Pioneer Bridge over the Shasta and the resplendent fall colors along the Klamath.

Klamath Autumn

Klamath Autumn

Soon though, the river gorge deepened, and the forest thickened. We could sense that, yes, we were moving into Sasquatch territory.

We kept our eyes peeled ready to capture evidence of our mysterious hominid cousin — and soon we were rewarded with movement by the side of the road! Could it be? Perhaps not, but these Sasgoats seemed pretty ornery. Especially when they figured out we weren’t going to feed them.

Forest Guardians

Forest Guardians

Not Necessarily To Scale

Not Necessarily To Scale

We moved on, and while technically we didn’t see any living Sasquatches, we did see them in a couple of the small towns we passed through. In fact, the town of Willow Creek had a Bigfoot Museum! How could you not go in?!

Welcome to town! (The balloons are a nice touch)

Welcome to town! (The balloons are a nice touch)

Happy Together

Happy Together

Not quite.

Not quite.

The museum had several pictures and accounts of Sasquatch sightings, but really, the best part was the absolutely batshit crazy old lady behind the counter who during our time there went on about the many legends of the area, including some camera-steals-your-soul Indian stereotypes, and how Sasquatch are hard to spot because they can shift into a THIRD DIMENSION to hide if they want to, and, most importantly, how girls dress like sluts now, not nice like back in her day.

Sculpture

Sculpture

However, she wasn’t the only sign of odd human behavior during our trip. While we were driving, we kept seeing an emblem with two Xs in a circle. Turns out that this is a symbol of The State of Jefferson. A movement to create a 51st state out of the Klamath basin in southern Oregon and northern California based on “Free People, Free Markets, Limited Government”.

Secessionists?

Secessionists?

The Xs represent the “double-crossing” the area receives from Salem and Sacramento. The movement’s been around since the 1940s but has recently been bolstered by the rise of libertarian populism. In fact, California Governor Jerry Brown was asked earlier this year about the movement and he replied that if folks wanted a state with crackpot right-wing laws, they could always move to Arizona. That made me love Jerry a little.

Infamous Secessionists?

Infamous Secessionists?

Of course, the thing that really stuck with me after we returned to San Diego is that I can’t find in any of their material is whether they plan on letting Sasquatch have equal rights and the vote. I bet that could bring them out of that third dimension.

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19 thoughts on “Sasquatchin’

  1. Those were two cashmere goats you found in the woods, Steve! If you caught them, you could have gotten a sweater out of your adventure! :D

    When I drive through the northern counties of CA, I boycott the businesses with the “State of Jefferson” shields on them. If they want their own nation, fine, but then I assume they don’t want my American dollars guaranteed by the US national Treasury.

    • Cashmere goats!?!? Dang. The billy-goat was trailing the chain and stake that had clearly not kept him down. We’d passed a goat farm a few miles back, but thought rustling goats into our rental would have probably voided the contract.

      I’d actually respect the “Jeffersonians” more if they wanted to be their own country, but they just want to be the 51st state. Clearly angling to be another red state that takes in more Fed dollars than it contributes, while complaining about “big government”.

  2. Oh, you know those kind of people wouldn’t be letting Sasquatches (Sasquatchi?) vote. They’re secessionists who wanna name their state after a slaveowner. And them Sasquatch run around nekkid! Talk about sluts!

  3. What a great post. You should’ve told her Sasquatches really dress like sluts today, too. I’ve never heard of XX Jefferson. I like that they’re pro-woman, though.

  4. I want to hear about the pancake challenge! Did you win? And what is this mysterious “Third” dimension? Everyone know there are only two dimensions…Up and Down.

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